Buzzcut's Night Of Fire
by Sioraf as Na Cillini
Summary: Buzzcut fights Dracula and his invading horde.


*This was supposed to have been made on Halloween night but not much came to me so I made it up mostly on the fly during All Souls' Day instead. Not a productive way to use one's time but I was bored (as usual). Contains lots of violence and as you would expect from Beavis and Butthead there's some dirty talk.

*Dracula had been defeated during the First World War and banished to Mars. He wasn't content to let that be the end however; so he built up his small base there bit by bit until he could make money and attracted human followers by offering them money (and killing the ones who refused) and with this achieved he conducted experiments and had his followers go to Earth in disguise, one by one to avoid suspicion. If one would get detected by any Earth police or military force it would have to kill itself in case it would be captured and interrogated. The result of this was that Dracula was informed that two of the most common fears of humans are spiders and blood and so Dracula had a plan; he would kill all of humanity using a disgusting and bizarre hybrid creation; cybernetic blood spiders.

*Dracula assembled his invasion fleet with the humans as the vanguard; obviously he didn't like humans anyway so he thought it best that his human troops be the ones most at risk of getting killed. His planning was so meticulous that not only had he made sure that the ships wouldn't burn up on entering the Earth's atmosphere but he also made his flagship such that even a comet wouldn't melt it and the ship could tail it for cover. As luck would have it (and for the sake of plot convenience) there was indeed a comet the very night of the invasion and Dracula himself tailed it, loud rock music playing all the while. The human troops landed and seconds later the blood spiders did, followed by Dracula. While the troops got to work sucking the humans' blood Dracula got out his helicopter and got his grenades together. The humans would die anyway from the blood spiders or Draculas' humans but Dracula had got grenades to speed up the process and anyway grenades are cool.

*Meanwhile Beavis and Butthead had been on a class trip but had stayed there unknownst to Mr. Herrera. "Stewart, where are those two?" he asked. "They're right...oh no!" Stewart responded. By this point Beavis and Butthead were on their way to Mars, Dracula didn't bother having anyone shoot the rocket down as he reckoned they'd run out of fuel anyway. There was no logical reason for them to go to Mars but logic is a foreign concept in the dusty bookshelf that is the minds of Beavis and Butthead. Butthead had said "Hey Beavis, uh huh huh huh like let's go to Mars" and Beavis responded "Hnn hnn yah yeah yeah, Mars is cool hnn hnn" and off they went into the rocket, they weren't caught as naturally NASA were too busy wondering what to do about Dracula's invasion.

*In due course the bloodspiders reached Highland High School and had the place surrounded. Mr. van Driessen decided to try and resolve it in his own way. He exited the school through the front door and addressed the human invaders. "Now we're all living creatures on spaceship Earth, I'm sure we can work out our differences and live together in peace and harmony." The bloodspiders swarmed him and killed him instantly. Meanwhile Buzzcut was in the gym mentally preparing himself for a last stand; either he would kill all of the invaders or they would kill him. He took some deep breaths, loaded his shotgun and headed for the corridor; with little room their advantage in numbers would be less. Another student saw the look on Buzzcut's face and he was inspired so he joined him and then another student saw them and joined in and so on until they had erected barricades in the form of desks turned sideways and they had picked up anything that could be used as a weapon. There was little choice; going outside meant certain death at the hands of the bloodspiders while staying inside and not fighting would achieve the same result and in any case if they died they wouldn't have to go to school any more.

*"Hnn hnn, this is cool Butthead, no stupid teachers telling us about handybras* and lame stuff like that" Beavis declared. "It sure is Beavis, and now you can spank your monkey without anyone seeing it, uh huh huh huh" Butthead replied. "Hmm hmm, oh yeah. There aren't any chicks in here though so that sucks. Let's go faster Butthead, we should get to Mars and do the chicks there, we've never gotten with any human ones so we'll have to try aliens" Beavis said. Immediatley Butthead sped up the rocket. I doubt this was scientifically possible in the 90's but then again we didn't have Dracula invading Earth with some ghastly creatures that I made up.

*Meanwhile back at the school there was much worrying among the students if they would get through the day alive and consternation regarding whether their performances would be good enough. In other words just a normal day at school. The bloodspiders reached the front of the school and hopped in through the windows then under the doors and into the hall. The hall became a sea of red, so to speak. Buzzcut fired his shotgun frantically as the students hurled protractors, calculators and pencils at the bloodspiders. "Whew, this is the toughest faht of mah lahfe" commented Buzzcut in his southern accent.

*Beavis and Butthead arrived on Mars. They had decided to land at Dracula's base as it was the only building around; a rare feat of basic logic from the duo. "Eh heh heh heh, I hope they have like a porn theatre or somethin', then we can get a preview of what we'll get later on" said Butthead. "Hnn hnn, that would be cool" Beavis replied. They made their way around the base but didn't find anything of interest to them until they came to the command room. There was a big red button there which read "Deactivation". "Let's see; uh..de-ac-de-crac,uh...decrapitation. Woah, if I press this button someone will do a crap uh huh huh huh" said Butthead. "Do it! Do it!" shouted Beavis and so Butthead pushed the button.

*And so across the world the bloodspiders were deactivated. Humanity breathed a collective sigh of relief. As for Highland High well Stewart did get killed but nobody liked him anyway so whatever. It was at that moment that Dracula showed up and crashed his helicopter into the school. Then he got out and he and Buzzcut fought hand to hand. Eventually Buzzcut took him into the toilets and smashed his head off of one. While Dracula was dazed Buzzcut took off one of Dracula's grenades and put it in his mouth. Dracula's head exploded and he died.

*Meanwhile Beavis and Butthead looked around some more for cool stuff to find but they didn't find any so they went home. When they did get home they got a hero's welcome and a ticker tape parade in their honour. Then they were sent to juvenile detention for stealing the rocket. "This sucks" Butthead opined. "Hnn, yeah yeah yeah" Beavis replied.

*He meant algebra.


End file.
